I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
