I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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