FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
