this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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