Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
