I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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