So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
