we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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