she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
