Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
