Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
