I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
