I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
