I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
