i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
