Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize