it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
