ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
