I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
