nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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