im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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