Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
