Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
