How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
no, he came in my armpit
im six kinds of drunk right now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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