hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dicks are not precious.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
