Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
