dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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