Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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