Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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