so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
