i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My dick has a subreddit
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
