Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
