This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
