so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
third nipple confirmed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
