well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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