Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
