i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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