I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
