I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I love you. Go after that dick
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
