that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
