Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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