I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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