All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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