How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
