First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize