Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
