So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
