It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
