thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
