Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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