Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
