sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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