I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Less talking, more tequila
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
