oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I touched a dick in church today
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
