Just cropdusted the office
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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