So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
