Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize