Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
