I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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