K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
