I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
