Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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