just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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