Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
