Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
