first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
