Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
