I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
