I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize