So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
