This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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