Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
