pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
