This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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