I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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