I can text with my tongue
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize