I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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